I’M NOT POUTING AND I’M NOT BEING WEIRD. I SIMPLY DON’T SEE THE POINT OF PRETENDING TO ENJOY LIFE WHILE GAME OF THRONES ISN’T ON TV.
AND THAT IS MY ONLY COMMANDMENT, THAT YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND REFRAIN FROM PETTY INFIGHTING AND RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO LET RELATIVE ANONYMITY MAKE YOU UNREASONABLY AND INEXPLICABLY CRUEL.
“You’re not the real God. You suck.” -tumblr user ButtPoop666
I AM NOT THE CHRISTIAN GOD, BUTTPOOP666. I AM THE GOD OF THE INTERNET, MEOWEH.
Ur ugly & nobody lieks u! -@IHATEFATCHICKS99
WAIT, STOP. I AM BENEVOLENT AND KIND. AND FUZZY.
STUPID CAT GOD WANTS TO END SNARK. IS THE AARON SORKIN OF HEAVEN. -Gawker
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I AM A FORCE OF LOVE AND KINDNESS, WITH ADORABLE LITTLE PAWS AND BIG-
“Y U No hav a boyfran?”
OH FUCK YOU.
MODERN LIVING IS A SERIES OF FLOUNDERING STRUGGLES AGAINST IMPOSSIBLY STRONG CURRENTS, SUBMERGING OUR BETTER NATURES BENEATH FRENZIED WAVES OF OPPRESSION AND DISILLUSIONMENT. EVEN WHEN WE MANAGE, SO INFREQUENTLY, TO STAY AFLOAT, THE CLAMOR OF FOOLISH VOICES, THE TUMULTUOUS HOWLS OF THE WEAK, AND THE MONOTONOUS DRONE OF THE POWERS THAT BE ARE ALL BOUND UP TOGETHER IN A UNIFIED, UNCEASING TONE THAT BEATS UPON THE EARDRUMS EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY, EVEN IN SLUMBER.
AND THAT’S WHY I DRINK JULIUS KESSLER’S FINE AMERICAN WHISKEY. IT’S “SMOOTH AS SILK” AND TASTES GREAT BEFORE OR AFTER NOON!
DO BE DO BE DOOOOO.
LA LA LA.
FASCISTS, MAN. PASSING ALL THEIR LITTLE LAWS. LAYING DOWN THEIR LITTLE RULES. RESTRICTING MY FREEDOMS.
“YOU CAN’T SMOKE POT IN FRONT OF A DAY CARE CENTER.”
“YOU CAN’T ROLL A JOINT AT 7-11.”
“YOU NEED TO GET A JOB IF YOU’RE GOING TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE. AND STOP SMOKING WEED IN THE SHED. YOU’RE 28.”
“DON’T LIGHT THAT RIGHT NEXT TO THE PROPANE TANKS. YOU’LL KILL US ALL.”
I BET YOU DIDN’T TAKE THE POOL INTO ACCOUNT WHEN YOU WERE PLANNING YOUR LITTLE OPPRESSIONS.
IT’S CALLED MARITIME LAW, MY FRIENDS. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO HERE.
can’t wait to open my pool
HELLO, AND WELCOME. IT’S GOOD TO SEE SO MANY SMILING FACES IN THE PEWS TODAY. NOW, IT’S IMPORTANT THAT WE GET BACK TO GOOD OLD FASHIONED CHRISTIAN VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY, AND I THINK THE BEST WAY WE CAN DO THAT IS TO FOCUS ON THE PARTS OF THE BIBLE THAT OCCUR BEFORE CHRIST. THAT’S WHY WE’RE CHRISTIANS. BECAUSE CHRIST ISN’T IMPORTANT. WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THE PRIMITIVE, SUPERSTITIOUS, DEPLORABLE PARTS OF THE OLD TESTAMENT THAT ALLOW US TO BE AS FAR REMOVED FROM THE NAMESAKE OF OUR CHOSEN RELIGION AS POSSIBLE SO THAT WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THINGS LIKE EXPLAIN GAY PEOPLE OR ECONOMIC DISPARITY TO OUR KIDS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SHITTING ON THE POOR AND REDUCING WOMEN AND BLACKS TO THE LEVEL OF PROPERTY, STRIPPED OF THEIR HARD-WON RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS.
WHAT WE ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT DO IS ACKNOWLEDGE THE TEACHINGS AND WISDOM OF THE NEW TESTAMENT, WHICH IS THE BOOK OUR RELIGION DRAWS ITS NAME FROM. THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY, AND WE’D HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO … EVERYONE, BASICALLY, FOR BEING ENORMOUS, UNREPENTANT ASSHOLES WHO PLACE PERSONAL PROFIT AND COMFORT OVER THE RIGHTS AND NEEDS OF THE MANY.
I CAN SEE A LOT OF YOU HERE TODAY ARE GOING TO START ASKING THE SAME KIND OF QUESTIONS THAT GOT JESUS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, AND I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU: WHAT ARE YOU, SOCIALISTS? STOP ROCKING THE BOAT. IF YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE THEN THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON. AMEN.
EXCUSE ME. DON’T MEAN TO BOTHER YOU BUT YOUR HOOK IS SNAGGED ON MY SPANX.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST ADMITTED THAT.
I know most of you don’t give a shit, but in case you were wondering why those pesky Palestinians won’t just shut the fuck up, take a look at the maps.
Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.
Wonder why Palestinians are so anxious to have their own country? Take a look at the two maps…perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the longer they wait, the less there is….
RIP NANCY WAKE (30 August 1912 – 7 August 2011)
Ms Wake, who has died in London just before her 99th birthday, was a New Zealander brought up in Australia. She became a nurse, a journalist who interviewed Adolf Hitler, a wealthy French socialite, a British agent and a French resistance leader. She led 7,000 guerrilla fighters in battles against the Nazis in the northern Auvergne, just before the D-Day landings in 1944. On one occasion, she strangled an SS sentry with her bare hands. On another, she cycled 500 miles to replace lost codes. In June 1944, she led her fighters in an attack on the Gestapo headquarters at Montlucon in central France.
Work began earlier this month on a feature film about Nancy Wake’s life. Ms Wake, one of the models for Sebastian Faulks’ fictional heroine, Charlotte Gray, had mixed feelings about previous cinematic efforts to portray her wartime exploits, including a TV mini-series made in 1987.
“It was well-acted but in parts it was extremely stupid,” she said. “At one stage they had me cooking eggs and bacon to feed the men. For goodness’ sake, did the Allies parachute me into France to fry eggs and bacon for the men? There wasn’t an egg to be had for love nor money. Even if there had been why would I be frying it? I had men to do that sort of thing.”
Ms Wake was also furious the TV series suggested she had had a love affair with one of her fellow fighters. She was too busy killing Nazis for amorous entanglements, she said.
Even before she escaped to Britain, through Spain, in 1943 to train as a guerrilla leader, Nancy had been top of the Gestapo’s French “wanted” list. With her husband, she ran a resistance network which helped to smuggle Jews and allied airmen out of the country.
Nancy recalled later in life that her parachute had snagged in a tree. The French resistance fighter who freed her said he wished all trees bore “such beautiful fruit”. Nancy retorted: “Don’t give me that French shit.”
WHAT A BALLER.
